During pregnancy, moms get all the glory. At the birth, no one pays the father too much attention – unless he’s passed out – except for a hearty clap on the back  and congratulations when baby is born. Once that cute little one has arrived earthside, all eyes are on your new bundle of joy.

Dads can sometimes feel lost in the shuffle.

During pregnancy, a woman has her direct physical experience to confirm the big changes that are unfolding. A growing belly, changes in appetite, kicks from the inside and more. But for dads, the news that a baby is on the way can take a little longer to feel real. In the beginning, it may all feel a little… abstract. “Me? I’m going to be a father?” How you  do you even begin to wrap your head around that one?

A dad-to-be can have his own worries and anxieties, that he may be reluctant to voice or even think about.  When I ask expectant fathers about their hopes and fears, they inevitably put it back to their baby and their partner. Most just don’t feel right putting their own feelings or needs front and centre at this time.  But after working with dozens of new families, I know they’re there – and I know they’re real.

“Will our baby be healthy? Will my partner be okay? How will I handle seeing her in pain? What can I do to support her? Can I provide for the new needs of my family? How will I juggle work and family? What kind of a father will I be?”

As a doula, my primary focus is to “mother the mother”. When she feels loved, nurtured and cared for, she’s in the best place to offer the same to her new child. But I’ve always got my eye on the father too. Because I’m not just helping my clients give birth to their baby, but also give birth to their new family. My goal is to foster connection, such that each member can grow and thrive. I look closely and listen deeply to the unique needs of each person. With my experienced eye, sometimes I’m even able to ease the worries that you didn’t even know you had.

So, to all the new dads – I see you.

I see your strength, as you hold your partner – physically and emotionally – for long hours of labour.

I see your deep commitment to your partner, advocating for her needs when she is vulnerable.

I see your newfound tenderness, as your caress your partner or cradle your tiny baby.

I see you transformed by unimaginable joy, witnessing the birth of your child.

I see you figuring things out in your own way as you step into this new role in your life, through bleary eyes that need more sleep.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads, new to this gig and the old hands too.