Dear birth partners – I see you. While families are birthing in the time of COVID-19, you are carrying so much while taking care of the mother-to-be that you love.

Right now in Toronto, birth partners don’t have the option to leave and return for breaks. Staying with your birthing partner for hours and hours requires immense stamina. At many hospitals, partners are being required to leave the hospital within 1-2 hours after the delivery.

This is so different from what you were planning I know, and can be a wrenching separation from your partner and the baby you have only just met. Your most important job now is to attend to your own self-care. So that when you meet your partner and baby at the hospital doors  at discharge, you are rested, grounded, and ready for your next steps together as a family.

Over the years that I’ve attended countless births, I’ve had to figure out how to take care of myself – so that I can take care of others. I’m here to share what I’ve learned the hard way as a professional birth worker.

I don’t usually WANT to do these things when I leave a birth – I want to eat sugar and crash into my bed. But I’ve developed the discipline to ensure I attend to my physical, mental, emotional and energetic health. This stuff is essential.

As a doula, I get to go home to sleep for 24 hours after a birth, and then return to my day-to-day routine. YOU are about to launch into life with a newborn. You do not want to begin from a place of burn out.

These simple practices fulfill three crucial needs that we have after witnessing a birth:

• Acknowledging and giving space for YOUR experience of the birth – unique from that of the mother you’ve cared for.
• A ritual of release marking a conclusion and resolution to this event.
• Nourishment and grounding for you physically, mentally, emotionally and energetically.

WALKING OUT OF THE HOSPITAL

• Do not jump on your phone and call or text everyone. That can wait. Really. Now is the time to attend to YOUR needs – so that you can take care of your family.
• Step outside. Look at the sky. Notice the weather. Feel the breeze on your skin. Breathe.
• If the weather permits and there’s a green space, go lie down on the grass for 10-15 minutes. Let the grounding energy of the earth nourish and support you.
• Get something to eat and drink. Resist the cravings for sugar, caffeine or other foods that jack you up or fill you with empty calories. Choose something that is kind to your body. But sometimes food that is a little bit greasy can help ground you, too.

DRIVING HOME

Now we’re talking safety. Driving when you have possibly been awake for 24 hours or more is dicey.

• Roll down the windows for some fresh air to wake you up.
• Blast some high-energy music. Sing out loud.
• Now is a good time to call someone. Their job is to keep you awake and talking.

This is not necessarily the time to unpack everything that just happened. Driving under the influence of emotional overwhelm is not a good idea either. If that happens, be sure to pull off the road and give yourself a moment.

ARRIVING HOME

First, take steps to avoid bringing COVID into your home.

• As soon as you get through the front door, strip down. Leave your clothes in a pile by the front door.
• Wash your hands.
• Scoop up the clothes into a plastic bag, without touching the clothes. Dump them into the washing machine.
• Wipe down your shoes, including the soles, with disinfectant wipe. If they are washable shoes, throw them in the washing machine with your clothes.
• Wash your hands again.

You are now in your safe space.

Allow yourself some time and space to process what you’ve just been through. Witnessing the birth of your child is one of the most profound experiences of your life. There are a LOT of thoughts and feelings that come with it. Witnessing a birth also works on our hormones (it’s not just mom who gets a rush of oxytocin). You are probably still running on a lot of adrenaline.

You might cry. Let it come. If nothing else, it’s a great release and helps to re-set your nervous system.

When we are taking care of others, we put their needs first. We also let their experience take priority over what we are thinking and feeling. But now is the time to acknowledge your unique experience of your child’s birth.

I have found that one helpful way to do this is journaling any thoughts or feelings you had to shelve while supporting the birthing person. Perhaps it was a moment when I was afraid, or felt helpless. Maybe it was confusion. Beautiful moments I don’t want to forget. Even just taking 5-10 minutes to set things down on paper can help.

Let yourself linger in the shower. Feel all the tension, worry, fear, fatigue wash off your body and visualize it running down the drain.

Crawl into bed. Put your phone on “do not disturb”. If you have difficulty unwinding into sleep, some things that can be help:

• Sip a little herbal tea or warm milk.
• Rub some oil such as coconut oil into your feet and slip on some socks. Add a few drops of lavender oil – that shit works.
• Make use of a guided sleep meditation from YouTube or the Expectful app to help you relax.

WAKING UP/THE NEXT DAY

The “birth hangover” is REALLLLL. Just like the other kind of hangover, get yourself well-hydrated. Drink water, not coffee. Don’t be surprised if you still feel wiped after a sleep. You may not have realized how hard you were working physically to support the mother, and may have some aches and pains or sore muscles.